Because I Always Cry Alone
by dragonshaun9
Summary: When Naruto is alone at night, what does he think of? How does he feel? A short monologue about his nightly struggle. Review me please.


Because I Always Cry Alone

Because I Always Cry Alone

This isn't meant to be anything really, just something I wanted to get off my chest. After reading some fics late at night I was inspired, so this popped up. Short, sweet, and hopefully touching as hell. Really short. Kinda sad...

I couldn't let them see. What would they do? Ask what was wrong, how could they help. They can't. None of them can. And so, I always cry alone.

It had been a year now, since I had last needed a night like this. By myself, no light. No illumination into the darkness that surrounds me. but they can't see it. I won't let them. I grin and laugh as I break inside. My tears are for myself, and I always cry alone.

For years I took the hatred. I took the beatings. Every year I took the fury of the people around me and smiled for them. Only here, in my sanctuary, could I take off my mask. Only here could I look on the day with an objective view. But...it happened. Sometimes, being objective isn't enough. Now I knew why they hated me, but it wasn't enough. So here I am again.

Things have gotten better, I must admit. People actually talk to me now. And they don't hate me. Friends...what a wonderful word. People have no idea how powerful that word can be. As close and precious as they may be, they cannot see my tears. They cannot see my broken soul. I won't allow it. I can't. It would destroy me. Only here can I expose myself, without fear. I need the release these nights give me. Its the only thing that keeps me sane.

I know what people expect of me. A happy-go-lucky idiot that never stops smiling. My mask...is still intact. It keeps out the light of their friendship from reaching the darkness in me. If they were to meet, I would die. No one can see. So I must cry alone.

Even among my friends, I am alone. They easily push me off for whatever they need to do. Thats fine. I can take it. The one person I would be willing, no, I want to take my mask off for...I might as well not exist. No matter what I do...it could never be enough. And it's fine. Thats why I have these nights. To let all the darkness out before I break the mask. That can't happen. I can't let them see my darkness...because things would never be the same.

Oh, I know the darkness in them. Sasuke, the avenger. The one who must avenge his clan no matter what the cost. His darkness...is almost as deep as my own. Gaara...words can't describe. His pain is a keener version of my own. But I overcame it, he did not. It took our fight to open his eyes to those around him. Chouji...who would have figured that guy had a pain like mine? Teased and bullied as a kid. He hasn't gotten over it yet...it's his darkness. Ino still grieves over the way she and her best friend fell apart. She'll never admit it, but I can see it. Shikamaru is actually afraid of action. He fears that doing something my cause pain for someone. He overcame that fear...but it haunts him still.

The others...they too keep a shadow hidden away. Lee, his hatred and frustration of himself. That's why he became Gai's clone. Neji, the whole Branch Family thing. TenTen lost her family the night of the Kyuubi attack, and was raised in an orphanage. She feels she has to prove herself to the world, while feeling unworthy of being here. I know the feeling. Shino is saddened by the distance people keep from him. Fearing rejection, he rejects. Kiba...actually is one of the least dark of us all. All he feels is that he may not measure up to his sister's standard.

Lets see...Hinata. Her father tells her repeatedly that she is a failure, that she is worthless. It tears at her soul. And then, her. the reason I have my mask to begin with. When we were six, I comforted her from the bullies that plagued her. But...like all the parents, they told her I was bad, and to stay away. She forgot about that me, and only remembers my mask. Around her, sometimes it slips. She may notice, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Her heart belongs to another, no matter how I wish otherwise.

This night is gonna be a long one. She told I didn't have to worry about my promise, but I have to. Once everyone is happy, then I can fade into the darkness. My mask keeps out the light, and keeps the darkness in. It has a name behind it now...feeding it. Even he doesn't know about this. It doesn't matter. I will do my best to make everyone happy. Then I can fade. No one will miss me. And, because of that, I will always cry alone.


End file.
